he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
