Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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