I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Semen is not good for contacts.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
