I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
