You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Drake has all the answers
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
