Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
