is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
