Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
