You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
