Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
