you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
