You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
