honey bunches of taint.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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