hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
