every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there's paper in my vomit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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