I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
