After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
