who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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