If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
