I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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