Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This house was built for laser tag.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
