tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
