we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
