just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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