She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
