Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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