the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
