so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
