I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
