a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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