She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
