i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
