I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
