you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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