Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
