Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
