My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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