Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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