just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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