these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
