How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
