we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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