I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
