is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
