the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
