God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
