Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Mom said you looked used
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
