I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
