her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
