Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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