is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
