New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
