i think i have herpe
just one?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
