our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
