Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
