I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
